Mr Mom
by Baysidegal
Summary: Cordelia Angel decides to go back to work, leaving Angel to be “Mr. Mom” and care for their four children. Can he handle the antics of a twelve, ten, and four year old while tending for their baby? Or will he beg Cordy to come back? Based on song lyrics.
1. Changing tabels and bikini wax

Summary Cordelia Angel decides to go back to work, leaving Angel to be "Mr. Mom" and care for their four children. Can he handle the antics of a twelve, ten, and four year old while tending for their baby? Or will he beg Cordy to come back? Based on the lyrics of "Mr. Mom." by Lonestar.

Author's note This really has no preluding plot or anything, Angel's human point blank, don't ask where, how or why, just know its happened. If this bothers you, get over it, don't flame the story… this is written for the fun of the readers who like humorous, fluffy angel. Is the link for Mr. Mom lyrics if you don't know the song.

Disclaimer don't own them, I'm just playing around with them.

Mr. Mom Chapter 1: Of wax and bad men 

By: Bayside gal

_Dear Angel,_

_Thank you so much for watching the kids so I can go back to acting. I'm so excited to be working on the set of this soap. I love you and I'll be home at five, lunches are in the fridge._

_Kisses and Hugs,_

_Cordy._

Angel sighed, crumpling up the note. He didn't know how he got into this, but somewhere in a pervious conversation with his wife he had agreed to be a stay at home Mr. Mom.

"Hit me with your best shot!"

"BAD SONG! LOOSER!"

"No body better is hitting anybody!" Angel snapped out of his moods.

"Unless its you hitting a bad guy?"

Angel raised an eyebrow as he looked down at the tiny one tugging on his pants. Toby, his next to youngest daughter, at age three; she had the mastermind of a military genius. Her plans and schemes outmatched those of her older sister and brothers. "Sure, I can hit bad guys if I want, Toby."

"Otay." She said a smiling appearing in the corners of her tiny lips. She wiggled her brown eyebrows inquisitively.

"No plans," Angel said point blankly, before dashing up the stairs. "Who's hitting anyone?!"

He was amazed to see the children's 'play room' in a mess. Pillows thrown askew over the room, his son and daughter each holding a feather pillow.

"Nobody daddy," said his daughter, dropping the pillow as she hopped off the couch. "We're missing." Savannah was Angel's and Cordy's oldest child. He had expected her to be the mediator in any sibling fights, but between her and her brother, Brody, she kept up with the best of them.

"I'm not!" Brody announced as he lobbed the pillow at his sister, and then stood with an evil grin on his pale face.

The pillow connected with Savannah's face, and she slowly turned to glare at her little brother, her brow wrinkled in anger. "You whore!"

"Savvy, none of the _w _word," Angel lightly scolded her and he caught her around the waste before she could launch out of his son.

"Yeah none of that word!" Brody squinted his eyes shut as he poked his tongue out Savannah.

Savannah struggled against her fathers grip, but the ten-year-old girl was no match for a former vampire. "Oh… I'll get you!"

"Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah!"

In another room Angel caught the sound of a screaming baby. "Fine, you two, have it out, but don't come crying to me when someone looses a tooth," instructed the already exhausted father, letting go of his daughter and walking out of the room as she lunged at her brother.

"Hey buddy," Angel greeted the baby with a smile. Unlike the other three, Angel had put his foot down and he had gotten to name his youngest daughter. He had chosen a family name of Celtic origin, Aryn. And also unlike the rest of the clan, she had his eyes. "Aryn… my baby girl did you sleep… God! You wreak!"

He waved his hand in front of his nose as if to dull the smell. Lifting up the 11 month old, he carried her over to the change table. "Aryn, you have it all over your pants too… don't you know how to poop? Here's a hint… in the diaper."

Aryn just grinned at her father, and clapped her hands together playfully. Angel carefully peeled off the soiled pants and the smelly diaper. "What do you want to wear today, baby?"

"Tssssss!" Was her reply and a chubby little finger pointed at her closet.

"Really helpful, buddy," Angel said in a sarcastic tone as he opened the closet doors and was greeted with an assortment. "Think Mom buys you enough clothes, sport?"

She giggled and plopped down on the floor on her clean diaper. "Da Da."

"If you say so." Angel was fortunate enough to have selected a matching outfit. "Sorry, kid, I'm colorblind, but I tried."

Meanwhile…

"Buy-ki-ni wax," Savannah strained her forward to read off the label. "Wax… Wax is like… pulling, like on Mom's movie Ms. Congeniality." She laughed to herself as she began to run the hot water.

"Savvy?"

Toby entered her mother's bathroom holding a crayon and a piece of construction paper. She held it up to her sister with a sweet smile, as she batted her eyelashes. "Could you write?"

"What do you want written?" Savannah asked, as she put her finger in the lukewarm wax, and stretched it out, she wrinkled her nose in disgust.

"Bad Guy."

"Why Bad Guy?" Savvy wiped the wax off her finger with a towel.

"Cause Daddy said I could hit someone if they was a bad guy, and if I put a sign on Uncle Wesley's back that means he is a bad guy," Toby explained, uncapping the marker with her teeth. "And I really wanna hit Uncle Weasel."

"Understandable," Savannah answered idly, looking for something to stir the wax with. She found a large tongue depressor, and began to scrape it off the sides of the canister.

"Ohhh that's one of the "Ahhhh" things that the doctor has," Toby announced with wide green orbs. "I wonder if Mommy and Daddy play doctor."

"Probably, they're kinky like that," Savannah answered, smiling in amusement. "About the writing."

"What's kinky?"

"Never mind. Gimme the marker." Savvy ordered, desperately trying to change the topic of conversation. She yanked the marker from Toby's hand, scribbled something on the paper then gave it back. "Top secret mission, now go away."

"Can I help be kinky too?"

"Toby! I'm not being kinky, now go away alright," Savannah exclaimed in annoyed tone.

Toby let out an over exaggerated sigh, puffing her cheeks out and blowing up he bangs. "Ooo-tay." And with that little note she skipped from the room, the treasured paper flutter in her grasp.

"Now… back to business," Savannah whispered turning back to her wax.

"Guess what?!"

"What Brody?" Angel answered with a sigh. He held Aryn on his hip and struggled to fix a bottle with one hand.

"I'm ADHDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Pie Squared." He announced, in a shrilly-boyish tone.

Angel blinked his eyes and cleaned out his ear with his free hand. "Now I'm deaf in my ears."

"So…I'm hyper, I ate out of the sugar bowl!" He announced, pointing to the uncapped bowl of sugar on the counter.

"Again? Don't you kids ever watch Barney or something?" Angel asked, rolling his eyes, finally getting the bottle into Aryn's mouth.

"Aryn and Toby do," Brody answered, hopping up on the counter and swinging his legs. "Sometimes."

"Maybe after lunch we'll sit down and watch a movie," Angel suggested, putting Aryn in her highchair. "And you can help me with lunch, if you run some of that energy off."

"How do you do that," inquired Brody, licking some more sugar off his finger.

"First, stop eating sugar. Second, run around the house six times," Angel suggested, covering the sugar bowl and putting it a high place. No seven-year-old hands are getting into this one.

"Alright!" Brody slid off the counter and ran from the room, brushing past Savannah as he left.

"Heya Dad!"

"Hey Savvy,-

"AHHHHH-ANGEL!"

Without thanking Angel handed over the baby into the arms of his oldest daughter and sprinted out the kitchen door. That scream sounded a lot like his British co-worker…and only God knows what Toby had done to him this time.


	2. No speak time

Disclaimer: The Angel Characters belong to Joss and the other producers. Savvy, Brody, Toby, and Aryn, belong to me!

Chapter 2  
By: Mel

Brody sat on the front porch of his house, his little cheeks huffing and puffing, and his fingers out in front of him as he desperately tried to remember how many times he'd run around his house.

"Hey there buddy, your Dad home?"

Brody looked up squinting in the sunlight. "Mr. Lindsay is that you?"

"Yeah, its me," Lindsay kneeled down to the boys eye level, so his face could be seen better. "Having problems?"

"Yeah, Dad told me to run around the house six times," explained Broody, still trying to count on his fingers, her brow furrowed. "I can't remember if I ran around five or six times…"

"Well, how about you run around once more, and we'll say thats six," Lindsay suggested with a smile. "I won't tell."

"Good plan Lindsay." He rose to his feet, and started off again. "By the way, Dad's in the kitchen."

"Thanks Buddy!" Lindsay called after him, shaking his head in amusement. Children were the things that had turned him against evil, and he had found himself a job with a REAL law firm. Angel, in the long run, had forgiven him and he often found himself coming over to his house for some reason.

He rang the doorbell and waited patiently. No body answered and he rang again. Lindsay assured himself that Angel was just tending to his youngest daughter and stuck his head in. The site that greeted him was very unpleasant, but Lindsay couldn't help but snicker.

Wesley Whyndam-Pryce lay on the floor, little Toby on his chest, occasionally smacking his cheek smartly.

"Toby, what are you doing!" Angel shouted, coming into the living room in a furry.

"Hitting a bad man," the girl announced proudly, smacking Wes a final time before she was quickly lifted off his chest.

"I'm not bad," Wesley announced, standing and proudly brushing his chest off. "Santa Clause brought me presents this year, not coal."

"I'm very amazed that you still believe in Santa Clause," Lindsay commented, trying to hide his laughter, his eyes sparkled with sarcasm.

"I was trying to impress Toby." Wes glared at the ex-evil lawyer.

"That's something you'll never do," Lindsay replied, a smile curving on his lips.

"Not helping, either of you," Angel growled, shooting evil looks at the two mean.

"Shutting up now," Lindsay quickly said. He decided that Angel looked angry enough; he didn't want to push it. "Whoa, hey, Wes, what's with the public service announcement on your back?"

"What are you talking about you silly lawyer?" Wes questioned in an annoyed tone.

Lindsay pulled off the piece of blue construction paper that had been taped to Wes's back. "It says 'Bad Man'."

"WHAT!" Wes grabbed the paper and read over it quickly.

Angel snatched it from Wes's hands and looked at it. He turned and glared at his oldest daughter who entered the room carrying Aryn. "That's Savanna's hand writing."

Savvy stopped in dead step and her head snapped quickly to look at Angel. "Oh that thing, I had no idea why she wanted me to write it," she shrugged. "So I did."

"I'll talk to you later," Angel promised, but had every intention of dropping that matter. But Toby on the other hand… "Toby, what would you mom do?"

"Nothing." Toby answered truthfully, scratching the side of her nose idly.

"Is that true Savvy?" Angel asked his other daughter.

"Yeah." Savvy grinned as she put Aryn in the playpen. "Mom lets us get away with murder."

"No time out?" Inquired Angel.

"No," said Toby and Savvy in unison.

"Spank you?" Asked the former watcher.

"No!"

"Burn you in hot oil?" Lindsay asked with a smirk.

"LINDSAY!" Angel and Wes exclaimed.

Lindsay shrugged and chuckled a little bit. "I was always threatened with it, striated me out, didn't it."

Angel rolled his eyes and carried Toby over to the couch. "Well Toby, here's a new word to add to your vocabulary 'No speak time'."

"That three words," Savvy corrected, darting out of the room before her Dad could say anything.

"Lindsay, I swear she learnt it from you," Angel commented as Lindsay let out a howl of laughter.

"Then I taught her well," Lindsay, said quickly, he followed Savvy's example and left for the kitchen, the corners of his mouth twitching.

"What's 'no speak time'?" Toby asked in a pitiful tone, looking up at her dad with glossy eyes and jutted out lip.

"It means you sit there for three minutes without talking," Angel explained to her.

"Five," Wes corrected, and the got a glare from Angel. "She hit me!"

"Three."

"Five."

"Four." They said at the same time.

"Deal." They shook hands and it was decided that Toby would sit on the couch for four minutes, in silence.

And as she did so; Wes watched approving, his arms crossed across his chest, a rod stuck up his a…. Angel on the other hand paced the floor behind the couch where Toby sat quietly.

How could he do this? How could he punish his three-year-old daughter? According to Savvy and Toby, she'd never been punished before, but that was impossible, Cordy had to do something. An automatic timer went off in his head, four minutes were over, and he rushed to Toby and hugged her tightly. "I'm sooooo sorry, Toby."

Toby's look on her face was priceless. She wrinkled her nose and raised her eyebrows, cocking her head to the side. "Daddy, you can let go of me now," she muttered, pushing him away. "I think you're going crazy."

"I agree!" Came a voice from the kitchen, followed by giggling.

"Lindsay!" Angel stormed in the kitchen, Toby on his hip.

Wes was left standing there by himself; he reached up to touch his cheek. "Ow. That smarts." From her spot in her playpen Aryn, giggled and pointed at Wes.

A/N: In the next chapter, Lunch with the Angel family, more on the bikini plan. And laundry duty.


End file.
